Business Trips
by ljam86
Summary: Sometimes Things aren't what they seem.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any Guiding light personalities. I won't be making a profit. P&G, Telenex, and CBS own them. I just had a hell of a time borrowing them for bit.

Summery: Just some good, not so clean fun.

Kentucky Blue. That's the name of this dive I'm walking into. The name is sprawled out in big yellow letters across the door. A mixture of musty beer and smoke hits me all at once. I've worked in bars before, but this isn't my kind at all. I still walk in and sit down on one of the stools at the far right end of the bar. "I.D. Hun," the bartender says in a slightly condescending tone. He looks at my driver's license and then at me. I don't belong here and he can see it all over me. "Here you go. What can I get you?" I order a glass of Chardonnay and he chuckles. "Can't say I get a request for that very often," he smirks. I'm a bit annoyed but giggle and pretend to find his comment funny.

I take a deep breath. And toss a five dollar bill on the bar, indicating that he can keep whatever change that's coming back to me. There's only one other woman in here and I can tell that she doesn't want to be. Her husband or boyfriend, whoever the hell he is to her, dragged her out tonight and doesn't take his hand off of the blonde's leg as they drink beer at their table. When I finish my wine a man that has been sitting on the other end of the bar comes and sits beside me. His side burns are graying and the rest of his cinnamon colored hair is stringy and goes to his shoulders. "Another one on me?" he asks as he places his hand on my bare shoulder and rubs my olive skin.

I know where this is going so I smile my sweetest smile and say, "No, but thanks. I think I'll just have some water now." I look over to the bartender as I'm saying it.

"Okay. I'm Tim," the man says. "What are you doing here all alone sweetheart? It's not often a woman comes in here all by herself." He tries not to stare at my chest and the way the blue halter dress I'm wearing is hugging it. He fails at his attempt. My strategically placed heart shaped necklace may have something to do with that.

"Just wanted a drink. Saw this place and figured 'why not'?" I reply and thank the bartender for the glass of water he has placed in front of me.

"Well I think you're a very pretty woman," he says.

I know what he's doing. I get this all the time, and I have learned the difference between the genuine complements and the, 'She's going to be so elated at the notion that she just may be willing to come home with me,' lines. I'm normally a quiet girl, but my self-of-steam isn't lacking, or at least not enough to fall for that load of shit. Men seem to think that they can get me into bed after a few nice words or something. Rather than act indignant I giggle and start to answer him, but then get distracted as she walks through the door.

I immediately want to run my hands through her soft brown hair. I love the way it lands on the end of her neck. She glances at me with those green eyes that I know can break your heart one minute and bring you overwhelming joy the next. If I look out of place, she certainly beats me out for that prize. She's wearing that white Chanel suit; the one with black trim and buttons. She has on a black pair of open toed Jimmy Choo's that reveal her purple polished toenails. Her freshly French manicured fingernails are clutching a white handbag with gold trim. I think its Chanel too.

I feel relieved as I watch her walk over to the seat on the other side of me. "Thanks honey. You're so sweet," I say to Tim with a cheesy smile on my face.

She orders a beer and hands her I.D. over to the bartender before he even asks for it. He looks at it for a while and then over at me. Finally he hands it back and gets her beer. I love the way that she can command a room in all her feminine glory and manage to still have this whole "Don't fuck with me" look in those emerald green eyes of hers. Surely that's the reason why none of the men staring at her have tried to talk to her yet. The man next to me takes a peek and no doubt comes to the conclusion that she is way out of his league, then continues to talk to me.

The guy reminds me of Frank. Not that they look alike or even have similar personalities, they just both have same pension for jumping the gun. He starts to say some bullshit about appreciating the female form, but I tune him out. It takes him all of ten minutes before he suggests that I come to his place for a "private" drink and puts his hand on my thigh for what seemed like the one hundredth time. She can't hold back any more.

She puts her hand on my back and whispers in my ear. "Okay baby, it's time." I can hear the jealousy building up inside of her and it makes me tremble a little. She knows that I wouldn't fuck this man, but the fact that he thinks I will, pisses her off and turns her on at the same time.

"She's beautiful isn't she?" She looks at the man as if she could slit his throat right here. He looks shocked and doesn't know exactly how to react.

"Very," he replies. The bartender snickers a bit, as he begins to understand what's going on.

"I thought so the first day I met her. I wanted her to come and have a 'private' drink with me too." Her possessive streak is beginning to shine through.

"This is Tim." I interject.

There's some depressing country song blaring in the background now. "Well Tim, I guess I can't blame you for trying," She continues. Most of the people in the bar are looking at us but only the few near by can hear what's going on. "You weren't thinking about going home with him, were you baby?" She asks with a smirk on her face that I'm sure just sent his level of fear up a little.

"You know you're the only one I want," I say in my best submissive voice. She knows I'm acting the part, but she loves to hear it anyway.

"Now didn't I tell you about men in bars? They just want to get between your thighs." Her voice is domineering. She continues to talk without allowing me to answer. "All he wants to do is use you."

"I know. I'm glad that I have you to take care of me," I say this looking directly at the man still sitting next to me. He's still frozen in disbelief.

"I'm a selfish bitch," she says proudly, "I don't share this with anyone." I'm sure she wishes that were true. She puts her left hand between my legs and grabs my hair, pushing my face close to hers with the other. She kisses me softly on the lips. The throbbing wetness between my legs is threatening my ability to maintain my resolve.

"She didn't say she was like that," the man finally speaks up interrupting our kiss, "If I knew I wouldn't have…."

She cuts him off with her giggling. "Well I'm going to have to give her a good talking to about that. Punishments will have to be given," she says in a slightly sadistic fashion, making me want her to push me onto the pool table and have her way with me right now. "Sometimes my lady wonders off and I have to come find her and bring her back home. I can't have strange men taking advantage of her. Now tell the gentleman that you're sorry to have wasted his time." I do as I'm told and begin to squirm in my seat. She can see that I'm antsy and it tickles her.

"Hold on baby, I'll make you feel, really good real soon." She smiles with a smug look on her face and rubs the small of my back. The man looks at the two of us with a bright red face. I know that in this moment he's imagining a threesome between us. The poor bastard is going to have to go jack off pretty soon because he is entirely too excited at the sight of us, but he won't get the chance to play. "It was nice meeting you Tim," she says in that cocky tone of hers. She reaches up and grips a clump of my hair again. "It's time for us to be getting home now." We walk out of the bar together with my hair still gripped in her fist. When the door closes behind us she lets go and smiles."That was fun."

"That bar was so shady."

"I loved it, the seedier the better. Really though, Kentucky Blue. I wonder who came up with that little gem. This is Utah for crying out loud."

"As fun as it is, sometimes I worry that we're just asking for some real trouble."

"Aww, baby you know I won't let anything happen to you."

"Sure I do," I say with a wide dimpled grin across my cheeks. "Back to the hotel room?"

"As fast as I can make it there," she laughs while slipping her right hand back between my legs and her left firmly gripping the wheel.

"I tried to hold out a little longer, but the guy kept putting his hands all over you," She says annoyed.

"Not all over me, just on my thigh." I say trying to bring her back to the laughter of it all.

"Well, it was your upper thigh and he did it over and over."

"That was the point, wasn't it?" If it's really going to upset you then we shouldn't do stuff like that."

"True," she smirked. "Did you see his face? That idiot actually thought he had a chance with you," she chuckles. "I guess now he knows better."

Soon we make it to the Wilson Hotel. She parks in the parking garage to avoid having to go through the lobby and we head for the elevators. The elevator we catch is empty. "I love these business trips," she says as she pushes the eighth floor button. "You're all mine." I smile; however, I keep quiet as I grab for her hand as the doors shut. Our room is right across from the elevator. She slides the key card in the door and steps aside to let me in.

I sit on the bed for a few moments looking at the carpet. "What did you say?" I barely break a whisper.

"I didn't say anything," she looks down at me confused.

"On the elevator," I speak a little louder. She knows I want to hear her say it again. I always do.

"You're all mine," she says dissipating the lingering agony. Then sits down next to me to take off her heals.

"Love the toenails by the way."

"I thought you might like them. I just wanted to show you that my mind was on you the whole time." It's my favorite color and she kind of adopted it to be our color.

"Well, I knew that. I think I did anyway."

"Good, I don't want you to doubt me. Not when it comes to that."

"I try not to. It's just that sometimes…."

She cuts me off, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I have to go to the bathroom."

I can tell that I've pissed her off. She always makes an excuse to get away from me for a few minutes when she's angry. The bathroom is her method of escape about eighty-five percent of the time. I know not to bother her. It would just make it worse. So I figure I should make myself comfortable and wait for the impending argument to ensue. I change into my oversized night shirt with little red kisses all over it and lotion my body, and then I go to the vanity and brush my teeth. My usual bed time routine is in place. She still hasn't come out. She must be more upset than I realized. Just as I reach to pull back the bedspread I hear the bathroom door open. She's only wearing a pair of purple laced panties.

"When I say that I'm thinking about you, I mean it; every time."

I want to apologize but I can't seem to make myself say the words. She walks over to me as I sit on the bed and stands over me. I manage to start pushing the words out. "I'm sor…" She interrupts me for the second time, only this time she bends down and kisses me hard on the mouth pushing my head to hers with her palm, her tongue caressing mine. I gasp as we part. She stands back up and I know what she wants.

I inch my way to the middle of the king sized bed looking up at her. She looks at me for what seems like an eon. I'm trembling and she can tell. She can always tell. I'm always nervous to begin with. She climbs next to me and looks into my eyes. Hers are all glossy and I can tell she's been crying. I go to stroke her cheek, but she grabs my hand before I get the chance and kisses my palm.

"Open your legs," she commands softly. I submit as I usually do. "You know what to do with the panties." I take off the black cotton panties and toss them on the floor. She rests her body between my legs and simply lets her warm breath tease me. It takes almost everything in me not to beg her to stop punishing me. She finally slips two fingers inside of me. I clinch at her touch and then my body relaxes. I find my hips moving up a down to join her fingers as I let little noises escape my lips. Her thumb begins to caress my clit and there is nothing I want more at this moment. Suddenly she retreats. I'm on the verge of tears. She lifts up my night shirt revealing my breasts. She stairs into my eyes again and without braking contact, climbs up and straddles me.

"Please," I whimper. She doesn't say a word. She nips at my erect nipple and all I can do is close my eyes and wince at the good pain of the bite as well as the bad pain of being denied what I need. She rolls back beside me and places her hand between my legs again. She rubs me gently and barely grazes my clit. "Please."

"Are you convinced," She asks this as if she's afraid that my answer will be one that she doesn't want to hear ?

"Of what?"

"Are you convinced that you're mine?" Now she sounds a little more urgent.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Say it then. Tell me that you're mine."

"I'm always yours," I say as the tears pore from my eyes, "Always." He thinks I'm his but I could never truly be.

"Don't ever doubt it," She demands with hurt still painted across her face.

"I don't….I…I won't," and for the first time, I truly mean it.

The wetness of her tongue meets with my swollen clit once more, and with that, heat flushes all over my body. As I lay here, trying to recompose myself, she places her hand on that sweet spot she just sent surges through.

"Again," she asks looking up at me?

"I think I should remind you why you want me so much," I say with a giggle.

"I already know why I want you, and believe me when I say that I plan to have you demonstrate just how I know soon enough," she states with a wicked grin across her face.

"I won't disappoint," I say.

"You never do."

"I'm glad to hear that," I'm beaming.

"Natalia."

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I know that now. I love you too. I love you the way they love in cheesy love songs."

"I can live with that. Just don't start singing them," she laughs.

"I can't promise anything about that."

"Well, I guess I love you enough to be able to forgive you if you do."

"Now, that's the kind of love I've always wanted."

"It's yours," she grins.

"Get up here," I say sternly.

"Yes ma'am. I love it when you flip the script and get all dominate alpha on me," she says seductively with a raised eyebrow.

"I'll have to make a mental note of that," I chime. My smile fades. "I don't want to go home in the morning," I say. "Going back to the real world, to Springfield, to Frank; I think it might just kill me."

"We have responsibilities there. We have our kids to think about," she says, brushing her hand down my arm. "You have a husband to get back to."

"I know." I wish she wouldn't remind me. I know I brought it on myself. I married him hoping that I could get rid of these feeling I have for her. In the end it just made them stronger. I'm stuck in limbo. When we're away together I get to be someone else. When I'm at the farm house, which no longer feels like a home, I'm the good Catholic wife and mother who bakes and goes to mass. I have dinner on the table when my husband gets home and I succumb to him when he asks. A fact that I know kills her inside. But she says she'd rather have me this way than not at all. So our love is reduced to these business trips and these little games. Games that I'm sure she likes because she gets to tell all the men what she wants to say to Frank. It isn't fair to either of them, what I'm doing, but I can't give her up, I won't. And I don't know how to leave that man that everyone is so convinced is good. Sometimes I think he always knew my heart wasn't in it. We battled over whether or not I was going to keep working for her. Thankfully he gave in, however reluctantly.

"We still have tonight," Olivia says lying next to me, gazing into my eyes. I can finally say that it isn't just a game. As crazy as we get, and as far as we take it, this is real.


	2. Chapter 2

09:48 pm - From Business Trips to a Place Called Home

Title: From Business Trips to a Place Called Home

Fandom: Guiding Light

Pairing: Olivia/ Natalia

Rating: PG-13 for language.

Disclaimer: I don't own any Guiding light personalities. I won't be making a profit. P&G, Telenex, and CBS own them.

Summery: Natalia makes a decision.

A/N: This is a follow up to my one shot called Business Trips. It can be understood without the first but it may be a little confusing.

I walk into the kitchen of the farm house and toss my keys on the table. I'm still holding my little travel bag as I look around and see the mess that is my domain. I have no idea how he manages to mess it up this badly. I left prepared dinners and he usually grabs lunch at Company when I'm away on "business trips" with Olivia. He usually grabs breakfast there too. Why he chose to pick this time to experiment in the kitchen is beyond me, but I wish he would have experimented cleaning up his mess. I guess it's wrong that I feel like he's an intruder in our house. It isn't fair to resent him for being here instead of her. I used to think it would be Rafe, Emma, Olivia, and me living here. Now Rafe is in the dorms and I screwed up the little family we had. Olivia won't even come here anymore. She says she can't stand to see me play the happy wife like what we have doesn't exist. I don't blame her. She deserves better than this.

I married Frank trying to keep myself from committing some great sin. But that sin would have paled in comparison to the culmination of them that have been racking up since. If I had just done what my heart told me, Olivia, Emma, and I would be together right now. Instead I stood before God and all my friends and made vows that I didn't truly believe in my heart. I commit adultery on a regular basis. The worst part is that I continually hurt the woman I love by not giving myself to her completely. I keep her hidden away like a dirty secret and only show my love for her when we are away from the town we live our lives in. Sometimes I worry that she'll wake up and realize that she deserves better. I fear that she'll decide that she doesn't want me this way and break it off. She wouldn't be wrong to demand freedom from this train wreck of a….a…..whatever this is.

I put the bag down next to the table and begin to tend to the dishes. I never could look at a stack of dirty dishes and not want to clean them.

"Hey baby," I wasn't expecting you home until this afternoon. I would have picked you up from the airport," Frank booms as he makes his way over to me. How is it that when she calls me baby it makes my heart flutter, but when he does it makes me sick inside?

"We got an earlier flight," I say, trying to fend of the kiss he's about to plant on me. I turn back to the sink before he makes it and he catches the side of my head. "I caught a cab back." I told him the wrong time on purpose. I wanted to have as much time to myself as I could.

"I'm sorry you had to come home to all of this mess. I was trying some things out. It didn't go so well," he laughs a little then says, "I can do this later, why don't you go unwind?"

"I don't mind," I say, "It'll help me to unwind by getting back to my normal routine." I've only been gone for two days but that's the only excuse I can think of to keep distance between us right now.

"Okay then," he smiles, "How was the business trip? I tried to call you but you cell went straight to voicemail." I gave Rafe the number to the hotel just in case, but I didn't want our time away to be interrupted by Frank.

"It went well. Sorry about the phone. We were in conferences for hours and by the time we were done, I was so exhausted that I would go right to bed." What's happened to me? I don't even feel bad about lying to him this time.

"Olivia expects entirely too much of you," he grumbles. "You never had to go away on business trips with her before. Now here you are a newlywed and losing at least one of your weekends a month. She has you working on days you aren't even supposed to be."

"I like working for Olivia," I say through clenched teeth.

"Look, I think maybe we should rethink this whole thing. I barely get to spend time with you and when I do it's like you have some heavy burden on your shoulders."

"I'm not quitting my job Frank," I say failing at my attempt to keep my voice down.

He sits down at the table and takes a deep breath. "Then at least let me talk to her about cutting you some slack. I mean you can't be under this kind of pressure when you get pregnant."

I spin around forcing myself to look at my husband. "Where did that come from? We haven't discussed having a baby."

"Isn't that the next logical step?" He says it like it's obvious. "Man and woman meet, get married, have babies."

I hadn't even entertained the thought of having babies with him. Not really anyway. It's been brought up but I never really saw myself raising children with him. It's bad enough that I've put us in this circumstance; I sure won't bring someone else into this debacle. "I'm not prepared to think about that right now, and before you say it, it has nothing to do with my job." I turn back around and continue cleaning the dishes.

"I can see that between all that work and travel, you're a little cranky," he says. "I'll give you some space. I'm supposed to go to Mallet and Marina's to watch the game with Mallet and Remy this evening, but I'll bet they'd be up for a couple of rounds at the batting cages and some lunch first. Maybe we'll go by Farley's too." He grabs his set of keys from the counter next to me. "I love you," he says.

"Me too," I whisper as he heads out the door. I turn the water off and sit down at the kitchen table. "Kids," I say out loud to myself. The only way I can see myself having more kids is if I have Olivia there with me through the whole process. That would be asking too much of her. Me having Frank's baby and asking her to hold my hand through the whole thing only to raise it with him and not her, would be cruel. That's one thing she would have to deny me. But it would be so nice to have that experience with her, just me and her with our kids. I smile at the thought of us preparing for a new addition to our family, minus one Frank Cooper.

I grab my cell phone from my pocket and dial the person I want to talk to more than anything. "Hey, you miss me already," Says the voice on the other end?

"I need you," I say franticly. It's ironic how these phone calls have reversed. That used to be her line, not mine.

"Natalia, what's wrong," She questions in a tone just as frantic as my own.

"I just need you," I say this time more calm.

"Okay, I'm in my suit now. Philip has Emma until tomorrow morning so…."

"No," I demand. "Here, I need you at the farm house."

Olivia sighs over the phone, "Natalia, I can't come over there."

"Yes you can, I need to have this conversation with you here. Not at the Beacon, not at the park, and not at some hotel in another state. It needs to be done here," I snap and I can tell by her breathing that she's startled. "Olivia, he isn't here. He won't be back until tonight."

"Fine," she says, "I'll be there as soon as I can." She hangs up and I nervously place my phone on the table. I go to the sink and ferociously scrub the rest of dishes clean, trying to keep myself from jumping out of my skin as I wait for her to arrive. When I finish the dishes I sit back at the table and fiddle with a game of Tetris on my cell phone, only I'm not really concentrating on it because I'm wondering what the hell is taking Olivia so long. I click off of the game so that I can see the time on the phone screen. 11:17. Okay, so it hasn't been incredibly long but I'm anxious. Relief claims my body when I hear the doorbell wring. Part of me is disappointed that she wrings the doorbell at the front door now, rather that using her key in the back door like she used to. I never asked her for her key back, but she insisted I take it.

I open the door to see her looking at me with worried green eyes. "Are you okay?"

"No, but I hope I will be," I say, pulling her into the house. She looks around the house that she hasn't stepped foot in for months.

She's uncomfortable being here in her own home. She doesn't think it is her own home anymore.

"What's going on Natalia? I though you understood that me being here isn't a good idea."

I intertwine our fingers and walk her over to the couch. "This is where you belong," I say before pushing her down to the couch.

"Natalia, it's too risky to play games here. If any body caught us…"

I place my finger over her lips. "No games. That isn't what I want from you. I want the real thing."

"That's going to be kind of difficult with a husband and all," she deadpans. She hasn't spoken to me with such vacancy in her voice since our first "business trip", when I all too lately admitted my love for her. It was the first night we kissed and made love. The games didn't come into affect until the next month.

"Olivia, Frank wants me to have a baby," I say quite bluntly.

She looks at me with all kinds of hurt in her eyes. "I can't say that I'm surprised. He is a family man. Besides, who wouldn't want to have a baby with you?" She tries to smile through the pain.

"Olivia," I plead, trying to explain what I'm saying.

"I understand, she sniffles, holding back tears. "I shouldn't have ever put you in this predicament in the first place. I hope it works out for you, I really do." She starts rambling about the family I deserve to have and the life I should be able to enjoy.

I start to talk over her tying to get her to understand. "Don't you get it? You deserve all of that too. You deserve to have a great life. I can't have a baby with Frank because the only time I ever imagine having more kids, I imaging you there with me from conception on. I imagine Emma, Rafe, and Ava spending time with there little brother or sister. I see us all together."

Olivia looks at me both shocked and skeptical. "Natalia, this isn't going to go the way you want it to. Emma is just getting adjusted to the fact that she can't live here like before, I'm not Rafe's favorite person, you don't want to live in sin, and Frank is going to be devastated. Are you ready to carry that load?"

"I know all of that. I honestly believe that being with you will lighten the load I'm already carrying. It isn't fair of me to uproot Emma again, but I know she'd love to be back here. Rafe is a grown man now. I love him and that will never stop but he is going to have to deal with this. As far as sin goes, had I done the right thing to begin with, I would have avoided all of the sins that followed after Frank's proposal. You and I in love could never be a sin. It's a gift from God. Olivia I live in sin everyday that I stay married to someone I don't love."

"I guess I didn't help by telling you that you should marry him," she says apologetically.

"You were doing what you thought was right for me. I let you because I was too much of a coward to speak up and say no to something I didn't want because I wanted so badly to want it. Even so, the day you told me that you were in love with me, I shouldn't have let you stop me from saying it back. I shouldn't have said 'I do'. And as for Frank, I hate that I'm going to hurt him this way. I hate that I used him like this, but I can't go on treating him this way or making a mockery of what you and I have. You've put up with so much from me Olivia. You shouldn't have to sit back and wait for scraps left over from a man that I don't even want to be with. I want to be with you if you'll have me." I'm holding her hands and willing her to look at my eyes, hoping that she'll be able to see the security of what I'm saying.

She looks at me like she's trying to put everything that I've just said together in her head. "I want you more than I can put into words. You have to know that by now. I just don't want you to regret giving this up," she motions her hand to indicate our surroundings.

"What, the house?" I say incredulously. "I doubt Frank will fight me for the farm house. I had it coming into this, and if he did so what? I love this house but I love you and Emma more. It's you two that make it a home. It hasn't been one since you left. And if you're talking about my sham of a marriage well, I wouldn't be giving anything up. How can you give something up that you don't even want?"

Olivia sighs and captures my lips with hers. I can feel the urgency surging in the pressure of her lips. I break the kiss knowing that she gets like this whenever she's afraid that I'm about to break her heart and walk away. But I'm not going to back down from this. I wish I could make her see that. I wish she could see that I want to be with her and just her. I don't need this house, Frank Cooper, or any of the other things that I thought I needed to make the family I thought I was supposed to have. All I need is to be with her and the family we created together. "Olivia," I say with all the conviction inside of me, "You and me together. That's the way this is meant to play out. I've never felt as happy, safe, and loved as I do when I'm with you. I love you so much more than I knew I could love anyone other than my children."

"Gus," she whispers. I see all the guilt she feels over his death still lingering after all this time. I also see that fear of never being able to live up to a man that she believes is the love of my life. "You loved Gus. You waited on him for years."

I lean back on the couch and take a long drawn out breath. "I've been mulling over truths for a while now. There are some things that I've figured out and I didn't know how to go about bringing them up without feeling like I was going to make things worse than they were."

"Truths," Olivia questions?

"I loved Gus, I did. But when he and I got together I thought that I needed to love him. I thought that if I could convince myself that he was what I wanted and not Leona Marconi, then everything would be fine."

"Who the hell is Leona Marconi," Olivia asks with a hint of jealousy and confusion in her voice.

I try not to laugh at the tone of her voice as I go on with my story. "She was this girl I hung out with in high school. She and I were inseparable for almost two years. My parents loved that she and I were such good friends because she came from an equally religious family, got great grades, and was into after school activities. They figured we would keep each other on the straight and narrow." I giggle a little at my unintended pun. "Anyway, she started dating one of Nicky's friends and I started to get jealous. I told myself that I just didn't like that my friend didn't have as much time for me anymore. Then I started having these daydream about kissing her, and touching her, running my fingers through her long red hair. It scared the crap out of me. So when Leona wanted me to go out with one of her boyfriend's friends on a double date, I agreed. Part of me wanted to be able to spend time with her even if it was with other people around, and the other part of me wanted to try and forget that I had feelings for my friend by going out with a cute boy."

Olivia is staring at me in disbelief. "I though that it was my fault your world got so shaken up."

"No Olivia that was mine. I messed things up." I shift positions to grab her hand again. "When I started dating Nicky it was because I didn't want to feel what I was feeling for her. Then one day when we were in the locker room after Gym class, I guess Leona caught me looking at her. I wasn't watching her that way though. I was in aw of her that's all. She had these cute freckles on her face and well….We had been in that situation so many times, but I think that was the first time she really noticed the attention I was paying her. She freaked out and said all of these mean hurtful things and I just broke down. She said that I was sick and to stay away from her. She said that I better change my feelings or I would go to Hell. We barely spoke after that."

"Natalia, I'm so sorry you had to go through that," Olivia brakes in as she sees the hurt in my face.

"It was just a silly teenage crush," I say. "After a few days I told myself that I had to prove that the things Leona said weren't true. So I went to Nicky and threw myself at him. I figured that sex with him would fix me. I cared about him. He was so nice to me and he treated me with respect, but what I wanted to feel for him just wasn't there. Then I found out that I was pregnant and he was nowhere to be found. My parents kicked me out and I went about trying to go through the pregnancy and raising my son alone. I made myself believe that it wouldn't be right for me to be with anyone but the father of my child and that a good mother would wait for him to return. Then I found him and it was all about giving my son the family that he deserved. So I broke up a family to make one for myself. Don't you see? I always run away from the things that scare me, rather than face them. I did that with you and Frank too. I'm not going to do that any more, especially not when it hurts so much to do it."

"I want to be with you too," she says like a child that's afraid of being scolded. "I want to be with you so much. I love you more than any man I thought I loved before. I just couldn't take it if you left me like the others did."

"Yesterday when we were in Utah, you got upset because I questioned your ability to love me despite all of the hiding out and secrecy I was putting you through. Now I know that nobody, including me has ever given you a reason to believe that they would stick around and prove how much they love you, but I want to change that. I want to be the one that's forever." I say.

"I want that too, so much." She replies.

I hug her and breathe in her ear, "It's going to mean a lot of changes for us."

"I imagine so," she giggles.

"Starting with all the games," I say as we part. "I don't want anyone putting their hands on me but you. I don't even want to encourage anyone else to think that they have any kind of chance with me. It's fun and nerve wrecking at the same time, but I want to be done with it. Just you and me from now on."

Olivia clears her throat. Then she meets my eyes with a set of green. "I think it was a way for me to claim you. I felt so helpless here. I couldn't touch you the way I needed to, or kiss you. I knew that he got to be with you when he wanted to and he could put his hands on you as much as he wanted. As much as I wanted to scream for him to stop, I couldn't. But when we were away where people didn't know us, I could love you the way that I needed. I didn't have to worry about being caught with you. I could tell off every Frank Cooper that ever looked at you with hungry eyes, the way I wanted to do all the time here in Springfield," she confesses.

"Now I'm yours here in Springfield too," I smile. Then a frown begins to play on my face. "Now I have to tell Frank."

"What are you going to say," Olivia asks?

"I have no idea," I say.

"I suppose telling him that he wasn't woman enough is out of the question," she says with a little snort. I give her a sharp look. "What? Look I know he's a good guy and all, but that doesn't stop the feeling of wanting to punch him in his smug face after months of watching him put his hands all over you."

"This isn't his fault," I say in his defense.

"I know," she says. "But it doesn't change how I feel.

I try to shake her feelings of doubt by placing a chaste kiss on her soft full lips. Then I follow it with the most tentative kiss I have ever had. Our tongues rolled over one another fast and deep. I franticly gasped for air and tried to speak the words, "Let's go upstairs," I shock even myself at the declaration.

"We can't do this here. Not in the place where the two of you have been sharing a life together," she tries to reason.

"We haven't been sharing a life. We've lived here, but my life is with you. This is our home, yours and mine not mine and his," I say trying to lure her.

"I love you Honey, but I refuse to make love to you in the same bed that you and Frank have been….," her voice begins to trail off.

I look at her understanding what she means. "You're right. I guess we'll have to get rid of it. Maybe burn it."

"I'm all for that," she replies.

I bet you are," I say before kissing her again. Her hands start to move up under my blouse.

"I wanted to get you out of this the moment you put it on this morning," she says with her signature husky voice.

I decide to help her with the removal of the yellow blouse that is keeping me from feeling her complete touch. Both our hands are moving quickly and eventually I'm released from the restricting confines of the fabric. I know we shouldn't be doing this here now, but I don't care. We haven't made love in the state of Illinois, much less in the home we once shared, in the home we will share again. I straddle her on the couch just after she pulled off her top. Her hands are holding on to my waist as I kiss her yet again. Then I hear them. I hear the steps approaching from behind. Olivia and I both freeze at the presence of someone else in the room.

"So we decided to forgo the batting cages and go to Company where I then realized I had forgotten my wallet. That wasn't a problem because I could eat for free there. Then we decided to go to Farley's and I figured I should jet back and get my wallet before I went. Looks like you had something else in mind," Frank's voice had an unsteady calmness to it. I honestly didn't want him to find out this way.

"Frank," I say turning, jumping up to meet his hardened gaze. "I….I didn't mean for this to happen this way. I wanted to tell you….."

"Shut up," his voice is starting to loose its calm. "I'd ask what the hell is going on here, but it's pretty obvious. What were you thinking?"

Olivia jumps to my defense, "Frank you're upset and you have every right to be, but you need to take a few minutes to breathe," She says as she scrambles to hand me my blouse and put her own back on. I quickly throw my blouse back on leaving it unbuttoned.

"To what? To think about you taking advantage of my wife. Why am I even surprised?" He spits back, his voice having elevated to a scream. I think about that very question. Why is he even surprised? I'm always reluctant to be with him and I jump at the chance to be with her. He himself admitted that Olivia knows me better than he does when he told me that Olivia had to coach him on all things Natalia when we were dating.

"Frank," She says.

"No, Olivia," he continues to rant. "You are only good for ruining people. You screw over everybody you claim to care about. Nothing is ever enough for you. I thought you might have learned how to be a human after Gus, but I guess not. You're still the same selfish woman you've always been!"

I know he has the right to be angry but I can't stand to hear the venom coming from his mouth. "Don't say those things about her. This isn't her fault, it's mine." I shout. "I should have never married you knowing that I wasn't in love with you. I was in love with her and I shouldn't have dragged either of you through this. I'm the one to blame for this mess, me!"

"No, Natalia," He yells. "You think this is your fault because she wants you to think it is. You have always been a good woman and she was jealous. She wanted to make you fall from grace so she targeted you knowing you would be easy to fool. She just wants to hurt you. "

"I'd never do anything to hurt her on purpose. I love her Frank." She yells back.

"You don't love anyone but yourself," he states.

"That's not true," I say still a bit annoyed that he pretty much called me stupid.

"Look, I take responsibility for my part in this." She's trying to give him the room to spit nails because she knows he deserves to vent and be angry, but she is losing her patience with the man. "Natalia accepts her part in this too. We were wrong. We were both so wrong. But you aren't completely innocent in this either buddy." I can see months of resentment bubbling up inside of her.

"All I did was love her and try to give her what she needed. I gave her the love of a good man. I gave her the family she always wanted, the opportunity to have more children, a man that stuck around to raise them. You can give her a job and money but for how long? How long before you get tired of her and throw her away for the next one?" I've never seen him like this. He's being cruel. But I try to remember he has the right.

"I love her more than you know. More than I have ever loved anyone else. The thought of hurting her breaks my heart. I wouldn't do that to her. I'll be the person she deserves if it kills me," Olivia is so sincere and I can see the struggle in her eyes. She's struggling to reconcile with her past bouts with heartbreak.

"We have a family, but I almost lost it because I was scared. I ran away from my feelings and I used you to do it more than once. It wasn't fair of me." I try to get him to back off of her and focus on me.

"A family? What kind of family? Rafe isn't going to want anything to do with this little family you've got going. Ava doesn't even live here anymore and Emma, well she has her father back in her life. Plus Alan is going to have a thing or two to say about this don't you think? It's just like you to come in and make promises you won't keep Olivia. You're ruining all of our lives because it's how you get your kicks." He's seething and it's starting to scare me. She can tell and she stands between me and my husband.

"Like I said, I wouldn't hurt her, and this isn't only on us."

"What are you talking about? I didn't tell you two to start screwing around," he shouts.

"Who in their right mind asks a woman to marry them after only dating them for five minutes, huh?" Olivia asks. She looks at him and I can tell she's rethinking her question. "Okay, maybe not the best question considering we're in Springfield and my past experiences but Frank, did you honestly believe that she was in love with you? Did she ever actually say the words? You knew her heart wasn't in it. I shouldn't have pushed you two together, Natalia shouldn't have run to you when that wasn't where she wanted to be, and we shouldn't have done so many things that we have done." Her voice is starting to calm. "But Frank, you shouldn't have kept the blinders on. You saw what you wanted to see. A woman that loves you doesn't run away from you after having sex. She doesn't look like she wants to be somewhere else when you're together. She sure as hell doesn't make any excuses to be with her boss over you. You saw it the whole time but you didn't care. You wanted her and you were willing to look the other way if it meant you could have her. "

Frank looks back and forth between the two of us with a mixture of accusation and realization. I can tell he's thinking about what she's said but it isn't making him any less aggravated. "Maybe I was trying to save her from you. Maybe I knew that given enough time I could make her feel for me what I feel for her. But I gotta say, I never thought that she would actually screw around on me. I guess I should have been prepared though. My own sister could attest to Natalia's ability to use sex to blow up a marriage." I wanted to direct the anger back to me and I got it. It may be true but it hurts to hear.

Olivia's hand reaches up to strike his face but he steps back as if he knew it was coming. "Shut the fuck up, Frank," she grits her teeth. "If they were so solid, Gus wouldn't have put himself in that situation. They had a kid together and he ended up marrying Natalia because he loved her. Same goes for you're marriage to her."

"I should have let you do it so I could take you to the station," he says rubbing the cheek that managed to come out unscathed. "Natalia could have been happy with me if you had just left her alone and you don't have a kid with her. Kind of impossible don't you think? " Frank is beginning to sound like a whining child repeating himself.

"Natalia is right here in the room," I speak up. "I love Emma like she's mine and that wont ever change. And I wouldn't have ever had those feelings for you, even if Olivia was completely cut out of my life. And you," I turn to look at my ladylove, "I had love for Gus and he had love for me, but in the end we were together out of obligation to our son. That isn't what you and I are about."

She just looks at me as Frank's voice booms in. "So you took the love of Harley's life and you weren't even in love with him." I'm not proud of it, but it's true. Harley was the love of Gus' life and I messed it up for them, even if Olivia wants to ease my guilt by saying Gus wouldn't have left if he was truly in love with her.

"You're truly a son of a bitch, you know that Frankie? Fuck you!" Olivia hisses his way.

"I'm sure you would. You're a whore. You've always been, and you always will be," he replies. I know he's defending himself but my guilt over what I've done to him is quickly subsiding. I see who he can be and the thought of being with him forever makes my stomach churn.

"No, she isn't," I bellow. "She's a smart, strong, capable, sensitive, woman. Not to mention she's hot and great in the sack." I shouldn't have said it. It isn't at all like me, but I want it to sting. I can't stand the verbal beating he's been throwing her way. "She sees all of these amazing things in me that other people can't. Olivia doesn't just see some good Catholic woman who spends her time in the kitchen, being a mother, and working. She trusts me with the most important parts of her life. Nobody ever challenged me the way she has. Olivia loves me for who I am and who I could be. You wanted me because of who you thought I was and what you wanted me to be."

He starts to go off on some tirade but I can't hear him. All I can see is her. She says nothing as I grab her by the hand and walk toward the kitchen. He follows still ranting. I pick up my keys and my cell phone then slip them into my travel bag. "You don't have to do this," I hear him bellow. I'll forgive all of this. Just cut her out of our lives and we can fix this."

"The only way to fix this is for you and me to go our separate ways," I say, "I'll have Mel contact you. I won't ask you to leave right away, that wouldn't be right. We'll be at the Beacon for now."

He's quiet as he stares. I turn my back to him. With Olivia's hand in mine and my travel bag slung over my shoulder, I open the door and Olivia and I walk through it. When we come back this place will be our home again; a place for our family to be together.


End file.
